Is leaving inheritance a choice or an obligation?

When I told a Western colleague I was saving to buy homes for my two sons to inherit, his surprise made me question how differently cultures view parental responsibility and inheritance.

While having coffee with the colleague, I mentioned that I was saving to buy another house. He was puzzled, wondering why I would want another property when I already owned one. I explained that, since I have two sons, I wanted to save enough to leave each of them a home in the future. He looked at me in surprise.

I told him that in Vietnam, this is common for many parents. People often spend their entire lives working, saving, and buying land or houses to pass on to their children and grandchildren. He shook his head. "Where I come from, children have to fend for themselves once they turn 18. We don't grow up expecting an inheritance from our parents; each generation builds its own life," he said.

My colleague explained that where he grew up, children are expected to become independent once they reach adulthood. They may work part-time while at university, support themselves after graduation, and eventually buy or rent their own homes. Parents might offer financial help if they can afford it, but leaving an inheritance is a choice rather than an obligation. Instead, people prioritize saving for their own retirement so they will not become a burden to their children.

This stands in stark contrast to the situation in Vietnam. Even in old age, many people continue working and saving, unwilling to spend money on themselves for fear of "eating into their children's share." Some go through life without traveling or buying things they enjoy, all so they can leave behind a larger inheritance.

In Vietnam, when parents have assets, the question of who will inherit them, and how much, is often raised long before they pass away. Receiving an inheritance has become a silent expectation in many families. The prevailing belief is that passing on assets spares children hardship and gives them a stronger foundation on which to build their lives.

Yet this expression of parental love can also become a burden. Some parents continue working until they are physically exhausted, even in old age. Many live frugally, reluctant to enjoy the rewards of decades of hard work because they feel compelled to keep saving—even after their children have grown up, established careers, and become financially independent.

After that conversation, I found myself wondering: what is the right choice? Perhaps the answer depends on culture. Must parents see leaving an inheritance as part of their life's mission? Or does raising a more self-reliant generation allow parents to live with fewer burdens in old age?

There is no single right answer. Every family will make a different choice. So, what would you choose?